NOT ALL ITS CRACKED UP TO BE
So today I decided to treat myself to a meal out!! I've been craving seafood and have walked past Belgo many times thinking one day I'll go in!!
With plenty of time before our daily warm up, I leisurely gaped at the mouthwatering menu of mussels and lobsters and eventually decided on a half crab with a Pernod, garlic and onion sauce! Yum!!
I sat for 45 minutes whilst I watched people happily arrive after a long day at work, get seated and get presented with mountains of steaming mussels. The smell of garlic and wine filled the air, the sun shone through the window and just for a moment I was suddenly sitting by the sea in the French Riviera .....
"CRAB!!!!" Screamed the waitress as a large crab was put down in front of me. Now although I'm a big lover of seafood, I never quite know which utensil is meant for what. A nutcracker in the shape of some claws? That long thin fork thingy? Undaunted and trying in my head to get back to France, I got to work with the nutcrackers and uncovered ......
More shell. I dug around with the long thin fork thingy, probing the body like a mad scientist and eventually evacuated a pea sized piece of crab meat!! Not to be discouraged I dug around some more and checked every cavity with my scientific implements, but that was all I could find!! Apart from a small slither of meat from one of his claws, Sebastian was well and truly 'Under The Sod'.
"What's the deal with those tenticle-looking bits by the way? Did I not read somewhere they were highly poisonous and could kill a middle aged actor? Oh well needs must!! Down the hatch! I'll worry about my death when i'm not so hungry!"
Ok let's take a deep breath and accentuate the positive. At least you have a nice soup for dinner, if you can just remove that piece of dry rosemary .... and that piece .... and that piece ...... and that piece ...... and ... well you get the idea!!
S-P-E-C-I-A-L--O-F-F-E-R
ROSEMARY SWAMPED CREAM SOUP, DOTTED WITH A LOT OF SHELL
Comes with potentially poisonous tenticles, a poor crab who gave his life only to have his soul boiled away , a hungry actor (flash back to 20 years ago when I left drama school and first moved to London) and some nasty smelling garlicky oily fingers!! No chips on the side, no explanation, no food and a £30 bill. You will also get a FREE metallic sachet with a picture of a lemon on the front which is impossible to open with your garlicky oily fingers, but is lovingly displayed on a white saucer. The sachet contains a wet piece of tracing paper that smells like a toilet. Have A Nice Day :)
Thankfully I have some chicken in my dressing room!!!!!!!!
Look out colleagues .... I could seriously eat a zebra tonight!!!!