26 Aug
26Aug

So this story is from a good few years ago, but I think it's worth telling!

As a Londoner, I am well versed in pretending to find it funny when a new underground user (upon tube take off) stumbles around like Bambi on the frozen lake and looks to you for hilarious approval.

I must remind myself however of the time I probably wasn't so tube savvy. Only one story springs to mind where I too performed Bambi on Ice to an enthralled tube carriage.

I was only going two stops but the London anxiety hit me as soon as the train pulled in .... should I stand for the journey? Or lazily sit for two stops? In any case, there was only one free seat, and given the choice to sit next to the fat Sid Vicious with no hair, piercings in his eyeballs and chains that Jacob Marley would be jealous of, I decided to stand. .......... or maybe I could sit for a bit ......... or just suck it up and stand ..

Yep! The London mindset had taken over my befuddled brain. Sit? ...... Stand? ....... Sit? .....

"Weirdly I remember having a freshly cut red rose in my hand. Had i been to see an admirer? Or was I just trying once again to be hopelessly cute with that current show crush I'd probably never see again?"

"This train is ready to depart. Mind the closing doors"

I made a quick decision and headed toward the free seat next to Sid. 

"BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP"

As I crouched down, navigating my bum between the hand rails. the train pulled away!! For a moment I thought I could save myself, but the gravitational pull towards Sid's lap was too great. The train floor went from under my feet and I leapt on to Sid like an excited child visiting Santa.

As the train gained momentum my body and head crushed poor Sid into the glass partition. Clutching the rose to my chest I must have looked like a Spanish widow throwing herself on the body of her departed, bulldog husband. Gaining some composure I growled a low apology to Sid, sat down and faced the other way for fear of laughing in his face.

You know that awful feeling when you're desperate to laugh but you know you can't? I'm reminded of a production of 'Fame' I did when, performing in an extremely serious scene involving a complete breakdown of one of the teachers, the sound man accidentally triggers the pre show music ......... 'Wake Me Up Before You Go Go' by Wham ......... doo doo doo JITTERBUG!!!

After one stop, the lady opposite me appeared to do a loud dramatic sneeze and snot went flying into her hand. Bowing her head she continued to cry with laughter. Another rather stern looking lady sat next to her also dissolved in snotty hysterics. I eventually caved and clutched my stomach in silent fits and soon the whole carriage was ringing out with laughter. All the carriage but one ......

Poor Sid wasn't amused at all.


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